Old Journal Entries
Box turtles like elderberries.
I learned that in 2023 while I was trail-hiking to clear my head. I’d been fretting over several things all at once (my decision to end my last relationship, my job, my calling, etc.) for some months in a way that lead me to sort of wander. Sometimes I would walk trails, sometimes I’d trek through the downtown area of a nearby town or city1.
But mostly I was alone and contemplative. I don’t know what I looked like to other people who had destinations, when I would reach the edge of a sidewalk and then turn around instead of going forward.
When I was walking the trail with the turtle, though, it felt like my uncertainty in general was at its peak and my uncertainty in myself specifically, was beyond that. “Did I make the right decision?” had become a refrain.
Perfect example: I got to a point on the trail where I found an elderberry bush and I knew what it was exactly. In that moment I was certain and excited because I was able to correctly identify the leaves and the fruit. I’d been doing my research as I rekindled my love for plants and nature. My confidence could have even been bolstered by the fact that I was just a month away from “graduating” from the Master Gardener program.
Everything seemed aligned— recent research of the plant, saved elderberry syrup recipe to Pinterest board, weeks away from being credentialed AND my mother was dealing with cold symptoms around this time. I decided I would take some and make a small batch of elderberry syrup to gift to her. I clipped a few bunches of berries, carefully placed them in the pocket of my hoodie and started back on the trail. As I gently handled the berries in my pocket, rubbing them between my thumb and index finger like little treasures…I started to think. No. Overthink. No. I started to doubt.
Elderberries, while edible, can be slightly poisonous. The raw berries contain a toxin that can cause nausea or vomiting but cooking them for at least 30 minutes can eliminate the toxin2 and that’s when you get the immune boosting, vitamin and antioxidant packed syrup. Again, I know this, I knew this but the more time I spent walking around with these tiny onyx beads hidden away in my pocket, the faster doubt began flooding in.
“What if I get the syrup recipe wrong?” “This is poisonous.” “Maybe this isn’t elderberry?” “I think I got it right…the leaves were oval with toothed edges.” “No. I don’t know what this is.” “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
By the time I was well into a spiral, I’d wandered all the way up to the top of a steep hill. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I sat down to rest and decided that I would throw the berries away out of fear of making my mom sick. Just before I tossed them, I heard rustling in the high grass behind me.
It was a little box turtle.
I looked around in disbelief but there was no one there to share the experience with me. All the way at the top of this hill, yards away from any body of water that was in the area (idk how far that is in turtle measurements), there was a little turtle tucked away in the foliage. My amazement put my overthinking on pause, and I aimed the berries at the turtle.
I left from that spot after hanging around for a while to watch the turtle enjoy the berries. On the way back to my car, I thought about how quickly the turtle started chomping, confirming that the berries were edible. I was right all along about them being elderberries. I could have made my syrup.
Lately I’ve been going over old journal entries for a personal project, and I came across the one where I mentioned this experience. At the time I felt what happened was a sign. This is a piece of what I wrote:
“It felt like it meant something. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe God was showing me that if I don’t have the confidence to use what He’s given to me —it’ll be used elsewhere.”
Along with my old journals, I’m currently reading Viral Justice by Ruha Benjamin and Black Fortunes by Shomari Wills. The latter being my favorite out of these two outstanding reads. All of my reading has me thinking about how we each play a part in history3. It all boils down to our willingness to act. My mother (who ended up just taking Theraflu or some OTC thing and was fine) didn’t have to have my homemade elderberry syrup to feel better. Instead, the berries were eaten by a stray turtle. The syrup would have been nice as I prefer natural remedies but the whole thing wasn’t just about that. It was largely about having the confidence and reassurance in my abilities to constantly choose to use them to create something useful for others. Like the subjects of Black Fortunes.
Wills does an excellent job of taking the reader on a journey through the lineage of some of America’s first Black millionaires. His story telling shows the humble beginnings and the exceptional persevering character of the historical figures he writes about, but it also shines a lighthouse beam on the courageousness it takes to choose to live a life that serves others. These people didn’t just make a couple of bucks for themselves. No, they rearranged entire lineages, industries and shifted the course of history.
We were each born and live at these specific times for a reason. Be it large or small scale. Maybe you’ll be one of the first among your ethnic group in the nation to do a thing or maybe you’ll make a small batch of elderberry syrup to heal one person’s cough.
Use what you have, what you know, who you are to affect someone’s life.
“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” '
Anyway, I haven’t been publishing as frequently as I initially promised. I’ve since updated my “About” page to reflect that. These newsletters may become even less frequent since I’ve taken on new responsibilities over the last few months. But don’t let that stop you from engaging with my posts. Like, comment, even shoot me a quick message, if you feel so inclined.
On one of my walks, I stumbled up on a great little taco spot, so there were upsides to the whole experience.
It isn’t fatally toxic unless a large quantity of raw berries or some other parts of the bush/tree are consumed.
Yes, I have been reading Viral Justice since April/May. Overdue book fines are…err…how I support my local library.